Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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