I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
