careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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