Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
