the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
