im drinking this country out of the recession.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
