another moral hangover. fuck.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
