apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
