like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
