when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
