So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
