"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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