your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
