I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
where does the pee come out of this thing
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
