boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
