Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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