I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
