the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
