Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
