Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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