The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
