Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
