I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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