I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
We need a shit load of segways right now
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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