I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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