he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Randomize
