the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
