chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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