so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
