So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
