remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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