and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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