we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
