To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
