guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
