this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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