I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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