Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
