life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
