why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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