It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
