Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
