I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
