i already hear my dad disowning me
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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