It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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