its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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