The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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