we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
