its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
