I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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